BURNED FILMS returns to school us on TED

WASSUP AMERICA?  Yep, I said Wassup....that just happened.  

My delinquency continues and I yield the floor again to Burned Films, whose writing continues to wow and amaze...we are lucky that he chose to opt out of Magic Mike...although, Tanning Chatum is actually pretty bearable and Magic Mike looks decent...yeah, I said it.  I may see it tomorrow if only to see it in a theater packed with ladies, for the ambiance.

TED

Family Guy’s creator Seth McFarlane first feature film Ted is a story of a little boys Teddy Bear that comes to life because of his wish.

When I first heard about this idea about a little boys bear coming to life I thought it might be funny.  I am a huge fan of Family Guy so I hoped there would be some damn good comedy involved. I saw the Red Band trailer in front of that stupid ass movie “The Dictator”; by the way the “Ted” trailer was the best part of the film. I lost count at how many times he said the F-WORD. I was laughing so hard just from the trailer that I had tears in my eyes. So I knew I would be seeing this film.

So the film starts out, with little 8 year old John Bennett asking the suburban Christian kids who celebrate Christmas by beating up the neighborhood Jew, if he can beat the Jew up too.  But lo and behold, the Jewish kid who is getting his butt kicked by all the other kids won't let little ol' John in on the action.

Christmas morning John opens his present from Santa to reveal a cute Teddy Bear. He names him Ted. They are best of friends, and thunder buddies for life. Given the disappointments John has experienced in the lack of friends department, John wishes upon a star that his best pal would be real.  Yep, he comes to life, and almost makes John's parents have a heart attack. 

Ted is a worldwide star...even appearing with Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. But even a talking bear becomes old hat after a while and, a quarter-century later, Ted suffers the fate of many other child stars, indulging in major substance abuse while living in the past and mooching off others. 

Now almost 30 years later Ted (Seth McFarlane) is a raucously funny goof, boozing, pot-smoking, foul-mouthed, horn dog, who by the way still manages to get the ladies with no penis, and he has talked to Hasbro about that issue. Ted is a teddy bear who would be instant new best friends with The Hangover guys. He is living with a now 35 year old John (Mark Wahlberg) and his girlfriend Lori Collins (Mila Kunis). John works for a car rental company, and is very happy with his low paying job.  The plot thickens when Lori wants John to ask Ted to move out, and John is forced to choose between the love of his life, or his life-long Thunder buddy. 

The CGI done on TED was awesome. No complaints. I feel like this was a live version of an episode of “Family guy”, and loved every minute of it.

I thought the acting in this film was good enough. Not great, but they got the job done. A lot of surprise cameos in this one.  I was very surprised that this movie had heart and good character development, with an all around good story. This film will keep you laughing all night. They have jokes in there that made my jaw drop. I literally choked on my drink on one particular joke.  You will laugh.  Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep coming from beginning to end (SEE ALSO: THE HANGOVER). The interesting aspect of some of the humor...Ted says things that really would only be funny coming from a little teddy bear.

The bottom line if you love Family Guy or American Dad then you are going to love this film. I highly recommend you go see this movie and just enjoy the hell out of it.  Sure it has some flaws, but honestly the film is a whole lot of laughs, and crude sexual humor. Leave your thoughts at the door and laugh your ass off.

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Thanks Burned!  Good to have you again...be good broheim and to all of you out there in film land, head out to the theater soon....until later, take care!

Reel Rhino

Hello from RHINO and BRAVE with Special Guest "BURNED FILMS"

Hey Everyone!!  Long time no talk!

I feel like to catch up, I may have to break into a Billy Joel, We Didn't Start the Fire custom jam to bring you up to speed on my last month.  You know, like Liz Lemon was going to do for Avery on 30 Rock.   Love that show!

I have been "micro-blogging" a bit through the MISO "what I've been watching site."  It is quite addictive and you can follow me here: http://www.gomiso.com/ and of course I am flying under the handle: ReelRhino  If we are friends on facebook, this is the source of all those...Ryan is watching... posts.


Be careful, it is an addictive site!

I have also been selling lots of stuff...on eBay under the handle Rhinoterp and posting much of my wares on http://isellcoolstuff.blogspot.com - feel free to stop by and brows my goods!


So I have been to loads of flicks since May 20th, when I last said hello.  Speaking of hellos, how about a goodbye?  Last Wednesday night, myself, with The Kid, The Kid-ess, and Papa, we forayed out to the AMC Mainstreet, for the last time it would be open under that banner.  The Mainstreet is an iconic theater in Kansas City and while it was a great flagship for AMC, but the tenant-to-be is not too shabby...

http://drafthouse.com/kansas_city/mainstreet

This can only mean good things, but still, the Mainstreet was a pretty great AMC property, with my peeps at Barrywoods of course taking home my top prize for "The Place to Be."

The first photo was from a year or so ago and the one at left is from the front of the theater, sans the AMC logo.  Apparently, it is being turned over, turnkey to Alamo, including some of the staff.  It's a happy sad kind of thing!


Speaking of the place to be, it is ReelRhino.com - even though I've been gone, I have managed to find a pinch-writer to share some wisdom with you...I didn't see any of the new openings this weekend, so I had to look to the cadre of film geeks and buffs that I know, to give you..."BURNED FILMS" - Burned is the latest entry into ReelRhino.com "staffers" and he had the chance to bring us up to speed on Pixar's Brave...




I was amazed at this movie. The quality of the animation was such a jump from any CGI movie and it made the scenery so lush and rich. That’s about the only good thing I am about to tell you about this film. As much as it pains me to say it, this is my least favorite Pixar film. I was alternately bored and frustrated by it. I think it was a great idea that ultimately went off in the wrong direction. A woman (Brenda Chapman) directed the beginning of the film, and then they fired her and brought a guy (Mark Andrews) in to finish it. I feel that the filmed lost its womanly touch. Some points to make...there are surprisingly a lot of bare asses in this movie...surprisingly for a rated-PG flick!  This film reminds me too much of the movie "Brother Bear". 


The crux of the story has to do with the heroine (Merida) getting into an argument with her mother (Elinor) and then seeking help from a witch to make things right.  Of course the witch has skewed motives, and Elinor gets turns to a bear.  First of all, it was so dumb to have her still act human. Think of how much more challenging things would have been for Merida if Elinor literally became a bear.  Also, being a movie set in Scotland, I think they should have gone with a ghost or something of that nature, and not a bear. When you think of Scotland you don’t think of bears. You think of monsters (ex. Loch Ness), or ghosts... Castles have ghosts.  They don't have bears (right?). Some kind of change in the core of this character That would of given the film a little better edge to it. The 3-D was also lacking, but even if you strip away all of my previously mentioned problems with "Brave," there's still one big problem – it's predictable. Every single step of the plot, from the point of the transformation on, plays out exactly how you would expect. There are no surprises in "Brave" and that makes it rather dull. 


This is even worst than last summers snooze fest "Cars 2". I will not buy this in Blu-ray when it comes out. Hopefully they can restore my faith with "Monster University" next year....


Now you listen here Burned...I have a two-and-a-half year old who is quite convinced that Cars 2 may be the greatest movie ever put to film!  If you don't believe me, just watch him watch it and its like he is seeing The Matrix for the first time.  I will be giving Brave a try, even with your problems with the film, because I am compulsed to do it for one, and for two, I need to find out more about this Dolby Atmos.  When we spoke on Saturday, you referred to it as the closest thing in a theater to true real-life sound.

That, I need to see....err hear!  See also, the press release here.

Sad to hear otherwise that the film is lacking.

BURNED FILMS, thanks for kicking in!  An air pound fist to you for the effort and you are always welcome in my hood!

Until next time all, take care....I'll try and pipe in soon with more film babble....
Reel Rhino